Six Small Group Killers
By Neal F. McBride
Smalley Online - The old gunslinger stumbles
in the dust, clutching his side. He turns to the youngster, his
eyes already glazing over, and coughs out, "Ya can't dodge
a bullet if it's got yer name on it, Kid."
This classic scene from an old Western movie flashed into mind
as I sat planning the coming year for my small group. I wondered
what "bullets" of ignorance or lack of planning might
prematurely kill off the life of my group if I didn't try to deflect
them ahead of time.
Here are six dangers that stalk small groups. Think of these "killers"
as bullets with your group's name on them. You're lined up in
the sights-but with God's help, your group can dodge the fire.
AIMLESSNESS
"He who aims at nothing will surely miss it," the old
saying goes. Many groups start out with more excitement than direction.
They don't identify a clear purpose for forming the group. If
they do have a purpose, it's often so vague that it doesn't make
any difference in what the group actually does. To head off the
bullet of aimlessness, bring up this question at one of your meetings:
"What is the purpose of our group?" If you can't come
up with a clear answer, get to work on it. People will tolerate
aimlessness for a while, but they'll soon drop out when something
more interesting captures their attention. Most people have trouble
participating when they don't really know why they're involved
and they can't identify the results.
Consider these five ways to dodge the aimlessness bullet:
- Identify a purpose for the group before scheduling
the first meeting. This doesn't have to be set in concrete-even
a tentative focus will help. But make sure you have some definition
in mind to help direct your initial planning and decision-making.
- Use the group's purpose as a basis on which
to invite others to participate in it. People are more likely
to respond positively when they know why a group is being formed.
- During the first meeting(s), discuss the group's
reason for existence. Talking through the group's purpose, clarifying
misunderstandings, negotiating changes, and securing a final
agreement on why the group exists and what you hope to accomplish
is critical to a successful group experience.
- Conduct periodic reviews of the group's purpose(s)
to make sure you're on the right track. This in-flight check
is an important tool for following through on your early decisions
regarding group goals.
- When the group reaches the end of its existence,
evaluate how well it fulfilled its aims. Did you carry out your
purposes? Why or why not? Celebrate your successes and identify
the areas that needed improvement. This step will help provide
satisfying closure and give you insights to take into your next
group experience.
POOR LEADERSHIP
A second bullet that could be heading your way is poor leadership.
No single factor has greater potential for killing off a group
than its leader (you or someone else).
Too much or too little leadership can be fatal. The domineering
taskmaster is just as dangerous as the spineless wonder.
Whatever their personal style, leaders must want the role and
feel comfortable in it. They must model excitement about the group's
ministry potential as well as commitment to the group's success.
They should also understand group dynamics, enjoy serving people,
and be able to communicate a clear vision.
Above all, leaders should be in a growing relationship with Christ
and be eager to assist others in that same process.
The "death-by-leader" bullet is avoidable. If you're
the group leader, commit yourself to becoming the type of leader
God can use to deflect Satan's bullets. If you're seeking a group
leader, start with a careful selection and training process.
But remember to be realistic. No leader is perfect. Don't set
up such high expectations that nobody will meet the criteria.
I look for leaders who are faithful, available, and teachable.
THE WRONG MIX
"Since God's family includes people of all ages and backgrounds,
so should our group." This attitude, laudable as it may be,
can end up firing the bullet of the wrong mix. The issue here
is composition.
Groups that merge all types and ages of people can work, but in
the long run they often don't. Unless members already have strong
social bonds, such as in a very small church, most people will
simply feel uncomfortable in a group with others who do not share
their interests and experiences.
On the other hand, groups that try too hard to be homogeneous
can fall into the trap of exclusivism. Members can be so familiar
with each other that the group lacks a healthy stimulation from
within. A group of people who are all alike can be the wrong mix,
too.
When composition is ignored, Satan is quick to turn it into a
deadly bullet. How can you dodge either extreme?
First, try structuring your group around people who are approximately
the same age. A ten-year spread tends to work well. People in
the same age group are more likely to have similar needs and interests.
Most churches with successful small group ministries-i.e. at least
50 percent of adult members participate-follow this principle.
Second, give people a choice in which group they join. This flexibility
will prevent rigid grouping systems based only on age (or some
other factor), which can be as troublesome as a completely open-ended
approach to composition.
Third, discuss the issue of composition in your group. If everyone
is comfortable with widely varying ages in the group, fine-but
do it by design, not by default.
Keep in mind that personality differences inevitably arise, regardless
of age differences or similarities. Encourage each other to show
"forbearance to one another in love" (Eph. 4:2, NASB),
but recognize the legitimacy of people changing groups because
of personality differences when other solutions have not worked.
SHALLOWNESS
When members keep each other at an emotional arm's length, their
interaction quickly deteriorates. The group may not die right
away, but it can stagnate, lose members, and shrink to little
more than a burden on busy calendars.
Shallowness is often a silent bullet triggered by negligence.
Nobody intends to be superficial; it's simply easier to stick
to studying than to deal with each other's needs and feelings.
Members start maintaining a dignified, polite exterior regardless
of what's happening on the inside.
How can a group work its way back from shallowness without having
to conduct therapy sessions? Here are some ideas that have worked
for me.
Recognize that most people aren't skilled in establishing and
maintaining relationships. It's a learning process for most of
us, and few of our churches provide assistance. Armed with this
realization, you're better able to keep your expectations realistic
and exercise greater patience with group members, the process,
and yourself.
Take time in your group to deal with group process. Talk occasionally
about how things are going-what people are thinking and how they're
feeling about being in a group. This needn't be a time of heavy
corporate introspection-just an opportunity to take the group's
relational pulse. Remember: It takes time to mature as a group.
Structure discussions and activities into your group sessions
that encourage expression of personal attitudes, opinions, and
feelings. When you do this, set some ground rules: (1) members
are not forced to share, especially in matters they prefer to
keep private, (2) attacking another's feelings or opinions is
not allowed, (3) nobody may dominate the group's time, and (4)
no member is expected to be perfect.
Especially in the group's early stages, consider subdividing into
groups of two to four people for discussion, prayer, etc. This
strategy provides a comfort zone for learning to be open and honest
with each other.
INDIVIDUALISM
"What's in it for me?" is a common question in our me-first
society.
Individualism is always potentially deadly to groups. It can take
many forms: spotty attendance, a demand for specific behavior
or activities, withdrawing from discussion-anything that elevates
one member's desires over the needs of the group and its members.
Satan is very creative in getting us to judge and evaluate other
members, and our group as a whole, from a selfish perspective.
Individualism runs exactly counter to what most small groups are
attempting to build-Christian community, spiritual growth, mutual
caring. The antidote is not trading in self-identities for group
identity, but striking a balance between personal and group needs.
A group's best defense against the bullet of individualism lies
with its individual members. Beginning with the first meeting,
discuss the vision for the group and the benefits of being in
it. Help each other realize that membership entails a serious
commitment to the other members, to attendance, and to active
participation in group activities.
As in the strategy against shallowness, take the group's relational
pulse periodically. Be prepared: the day is likely to come when
you must confront a group member (or yourself) with his or her
individualistic orientation because it is injurious to the group.
Your goal should be to correct the problem without crushing the
person. Approach this person in private and with a humble attitude.
Be honest but sensitive in your choice of words.
COMPETITION
We live in a busy world. Many opportunities clamor for our attention.
How many times have you caught yourself thinking, Let me see .
. . should I go to my small group or to ______? (You supply the
alternative.) Satan is loading another bullet into his gun. Prepare
to duck.
Far too often churches and other Christian organizations unwittingly
set up competitive programming. People respond by choosing from
activities like items on a menu, making decisions based on personal
taste rather than on a sense of calling.
To head off competition at the pass, first determine whether the
potential for it exists in your situation. Competition most often
originates in structures created by the host church or organization.
Ask, Are groups just one of many options, or are they integral
to the life and existence of my church or organization? Are other
programs scheduled at conflicting times?
Once you answer these questions, clearly establish with group
members the level of commitment and expected participation. Membership
should be by choice, not by default.
If your meetings conflict with other activities, consider rescheduling
them so you're not in competition with these other programs. Or,
consult leaders in your church or organization and ask for their
help in solving the dilemma.
BULLET-PROOFING YOUR GROUP
One of the best shields for all six of these bullets is a group
covenant.
Although a written covenant may not be appropriate for all groups,
it can work well in many groups as a tool for recruiting members,
monitoring group progress, and evaluating the success of the group
experience.
Use a covenant to outline the purpose of the group, expectations
for participation, logistical details (e.g., time and location
of meetings), and anything else you feel is important to establish
up front. It can be drafted by the group or by the leader and
then edited by the members.
If your group does take a hit from one of Satan's bullets, the
wound need not be fatal. Apply first-aid quickly-prayer, good
leadership, and committed members willing to deal with the difficult
issues. Proper treatment can bring about full recovery.
You can dodge a bullet with your name on it, Kid. But don't step
out into the line of fire without God's protection. Depend on
Him and be alert-and you'll see those deadly missiles go whizzing
harmlessly into the dust.
